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Archives for January 2021

After 4 Miscarriages I Consulted with a Specialist

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I had 4 miscarriages in the past 18 months. Pregnancy loss is an all too common thing but I had no idea just how common it would become for me. As time continues on I wanted to do all I can to improve chances of a successful pregnancy so I scheduled a consultation with a reproductive specialist.

Disappointment with OB-GYN

My last pregnancy/miscarriage I tried a new OB-GYN private practice in my area. It is one that is held in high regard by several close friends. I only saw them twice but feel my situation was not thoroughly assessed nor taken seriously for the following reasons:

  • They knew my history of recurrent pregnancy loss, 3 in a row and 4 overall yet still brushed it off saying that I’m young and healthy and have had 2 successful pregnancies
  • I specifically inquired about use of progesterone to supplement natural levels of the hormone in early pregnancy and again they brushed it off saying that’s not proven beneficial in cases like yours.
  • I reported symptoms that have worsened in recent years including irregular heart rhythms and elevated fasting glucose levels during early pregnancy

What I did before seeing the specialist

  • Sought an updated physical with general practitioner
  • Updated blood work to include:
    • Thyroid
    • Lipid panel
    • Comprehensive metabolic panel
  • Self monitoring blood glucose levels

Consultation with Fertility Specialist discussion included:

  • Review of fertility history
  • Review of current health and symptoms
  • Possible early pregnancy support options
    • natural progesterone supplement
  • Test for anemia
  • Blood draw for A1C levels
  • Blood draw for natural progesterone level after ovulation occurs
  • Holter monitor for abnormal heart rhythms
  • Future pelvic sonogram if indicated

Things I’m doing moving forward

There are a number of things I am doing moving forward to improve overall health and wellness which in turn will support a healthy pregnancy should we conceive again.

  • Eating cleaner, more plant based, less sugar, less processed food
  • Exercise consistently (minimum of 4x/week)
    • Cardio (elliptical, treadmill, cycling)
    • Pilates
    • Yoga
  • Tracking cycle
    • ovulation kit
    • basal temperature monitoring
  • Sleep!!!! I am awful at getting enough sleep. I am naturally a night owl. I do my best thinking and am most creative at night it seems.

Takeaways

If anyone can learn anything from my experience these are my takeaways:

  • Less is more in the beginning. And what I mean by this is I wish I hadn’t gone to the OB so early for this past pregnancy. I saw them twice during the first trimester even moving up the last appointment to “give me peace of mind” that everything was okay. It was at that appointment that I found out that the baby had stopped growing and had already passed away. I saw it on the ultrasound and was measuring over much smaller than it should have so I had been walking around unknowing that my baby had died inside of me…not to mention approximately $1000 cost of those two ultrasounds and office visits.
  • With my miscarriage history I should have been leaving nothing up to chance for my own guilt prevention. What I mean by this is all of the little decisions I was making here and there, out of comfort or craving or convenience play a role in my mama guilt now. I’m talking things like poor eating choices, not exercising regularly, poor sleep habits, etc. I’m not saying I’m the worst out there and by general standards my habits are probably healthier than a lot but maybe I don’t have the same luxury of doing whatever and eating whatever I want during pregnancy. I know miscarriage happens often and may very well have happened regardless of what I was doing but it doesn’t stop the guilt from creeping in. So my takeaway here is if there is a next time for me then I’m going to do it right…for myself and for my baby. That way if another miscarriage occurs then I will know I did everything within my power and really that’s all any of us can do.
  • Don’t make plans. I learned this the hard way. I was about 9 weeks when we ordered our Christmas cards. The timing was such that by early December when they would be going out I would be ready to tell close friends and family. Already I was feeling more secure in the pregnancy since historically if I had made it this far along then the pregnancy had been successful for me. I thought what a perfect opportunity to announce to our friends and extended family that we were expecting! Of course it crossed my mind that there was a chance I would miscarry… I even considered ordering 2 sets of identical cards, with the only difference being the picture of our kids would or would not be holding the sonogram picture in the announcement. My mind interpreted this option as me “betting against the pregnancy”. So I didn’t order both sets which resulted in me having to order a second set later and now I have a whole set of unopened cards as a reminder of this loss. The takeaway: DON’T MAKE PLANS LIKE THIS. Take the cautious road to protect yourself and your heart.

The plan

The specialist recommended a few things moving forward.

  1. I start tracking my cycle closely with ovulation indicator kits and basal temperature readings.
  2. Call their office when I get a positive ovulation test so they can put in the order for a blood draw
  3. Pending natural progesterone levels, supplementing the hormone progesterone may be warranted
  4. Be fitted with holter monitor to further investigate the irregular heart rhythms
  5. If conception does not occur or it results in another miscarriage then she recommends a pelvic sonogram to check for anatomic abnormalities if we still wish to try in the future.

This all might very well be for none. She explained that though I had 3 miscarriages in a row there is a good possibility that still nothing is wrong with me and that it was just an unlucky streak. This I already knew but knowing myself and my personality type I need to ensure I am doing everything in my power. And if the worst thing from all of this is that I am eating healthier, exercising more and focusing on wellness habits then all the better.

At the very least I am glad I got an updated physical and blood panels completed because it had been a while since my last general, non pregnancy related visit. I am also glad it nudged me to get my heart palpitations checked out more closely.

That’s all for now. Thanks for reading!

-Christina

How this free online test helped my marriage

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Something that I recently did has helped my marriage in BIG ways. Disclaimer: My husband and I are not having marital troubles nor are we a couple that disagrees very often. We were getting on just fine. Fine being the troublesome word there. Who wants to get on just fine when you can be great?

Our struggles with pregnancy loss

A little backstory, about a month ago we had our fourth miscarriage. Things felt a little rocky on my end. I was feeling a little out of control and found myself getting frustrated with little things around the house and in our relationship.

I was and have been recently in a very vulnerable state. The 3 miscarriages in the past year had thrown my hormones on a roller coaster ride. I was feeling unseen and misunderstood in my marriage. I can’t blame my husband for all of it. As it turns out he was “giving me space” which I was interpreting as uncaring and oblivious. The house was feeling constantly cluttered and in disarray despite my continuous tidying and cleaning efforts.

It was driving me nuts.

Our Differences were driving our daily interactions…

I am the type of person that thrives when there is outer order. So the saying “outer order, inner calm” really embodies how I feel in any given situation. That being said my husband is the organized chaos type. He couldn’t care less about how things look or appear as long as its functional and/or not inhibiting the task at hand. So he does not see clutter the same way that I do. It literally does not register with him.

That’s just one example of how different we are as individuals. The personalities and traits that make us who we are differ so greatly. Sometimes the action, or inaction, gets interpreted as something completely different than its original intention.

I feel like my husband and I were having the same conversations over and over again. We were trying to communicate but the messages were getting garbled and tensions were rising.

One evening we were talking about personality traits and how they differ so much person to person. We had both taken the Myers Briggs assessment for employers or jobs in the past. We realized neither of us know our enneagram type. So we promptly looked up a free assessment online and found one on truity.com.

What followed was exactly what we needed but didn’t know we had needed.

After taking the test the lines of communication opened before us. I think that just having an assessment describe our strengths and weaknesses was easier to process in a less judged way vs when a person describes your traits (good and bad) to you.

My results as a Korean Adoptee

My results matched type 4 (98%) and type 1 (95%).

FOUR | 98% MATCH

Fours are defined by their belief that they are different from other people, and by their feelings of envy for what others have. Fours have the sense that something is missing from their lives, and they worry that they will never have the happiness that other people experience. At their core, Fours passionately long for the type of deep connection that will make them feel whole and accepted.

ONE | 95% MATCH

Ones are defined by their belief that everything must be in order, and by their feeling that they must always be “right.” They show great commitment and determination to improve conditions that they find need improvement, and they are forward in encouraging others to improve their performance, too.

I feel my assessment results are very accurate. My husband matched to type 9.

NINE | 55% MATCH

Nines are defined by a desire to live in peaceful harmony with their environment. They want a sense of balance and calm, and aspire to a kind of homeostasis where nothing disturbs their inner peace. They tend to be easygoing and accepting of what is happening around them, but can become resistant and willfully oblivious when something in the environment threatens to throw them off balance.

Once our types were revealed to us by the test we really got to talking about how these characteristics drive our lives. Since that discussion we developed an actionable plan to address our problem areas.

Let’s dig a little deeper into type 4 because I’m curious if other adoptees out there can relate to this type more than others.

Adoptee connections to Type 4

Things that stuck out to me:

  1. Fours are defined by their belief that they are different from other people.
  2. They sense that something is missing from their lives
  3. Fours feel they are fundamentally flawed and will never be able to be truly understood by other people.
  4. At the same time, they passionately long for the type of deep connection that will make them feel whole and accepted. Many Fours romanticize and idealize their relationships, hoping that each new connection will be the one that finally makes them feel understood and appreciated.
  5. They see themselves as special and want to express their individualism. Being different from other people is a double-edged sword for Fours: both a badge of honor, as well as a source of suffering.
  6. Core Belief “I am different and misunderstood.”
  7. In childhood, most Fours experienced a sense of loss or abandonment…early sense of something missing.
  8. In relation to their families, Fours often feel like the black sheep or the outsider. They may not identify as being much like either parent, and tend to feel that the people closest to them don’t understand them very well at all.

Everyone should try this

As I said in the beginning my partner and I were not fighting terribly nor were we under true marital stress. We were going through a tough time and were not communicating effectively.

Taking this assessment I believe really helped our marriage get out of a rut. As simple and silly as it might seem to some it helped us. If nothing else it was just a fun activity to do together over a few glasses of wine.

If you want to understand yourself and how you operate then I recommend everyone take the enneagram assessment. Do it with a partner. Do it by yourself. It’s free and accessible and it helped us improve our communication.

Thanks for reading.

-Christina