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Archives for September 2020

Korean Adoptee: Returning to the Motherland

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I am a Korean adoptee. At 29 years old I returned to my country of birth, South Korea. The decision was easy for me. I wanted to check this trip off the list before we expanded our family.

Korean adoptee returns to motherland
Visiting a Buddhist temple in Daegu with my birth family

A motherland tour is emotional and thought provoking for any adoptee. I think what helped me was our mindset leading up to the trip…with 0 expectations. We booked the nicest hotels we could find in each city we planned to visit. I made a list of things we wanted to do and places we wanted to see. This was supposed to be a luxury vacation before we embarked on parenthood. It turned out to be so much more than that…

After deciding to go back I initiated a birth family search. Mostly, it was a formality. I never had an intense need to know more about my origins but I also didn’t want regret. I filled out the necessary documents and officially submitted my intent to search.

We finalized our itinerary for the trip. We had so much fun stuff planned! I checked in with the adoption agency often in the months leading up to the trip. I would find myself anxious and hopeful whenever I got a reply from the agency seemingly caring more than I would have admitted at the time.

Almost exactly two months from submitting my intent to search I woke up one morning to the email that would change my life as I knew it.

Present day

Six years later in the year 2020 I am ready to share my story. I encourage all international adoptees to consider returning to their birth place at some point, with or without a birth family search.

Realizations from my motherland tour:

  • Stepping off the plane at Incheon I had an immediate sense of peace being surrounded by people who looked like me. I was one in the crowd for the first time in my life. Nobody knew my story or questioned why i was there. In S. Korea I was never the only person of color in any given room or environment. I would often have reality checks with myself which were almost out of body experiences as I couldn’t believe I was back surrounded by my original culture and language.
  • Going back meant so much more to me than I could have known before the trip. Or maybe meant so much more than I could have admitted to myself. It was seeing and experiencing a culture and language that I will never be a part of but there were moments throughout the trip where I felt a sense of belonging. A feeling not often felt in the States as tolerance is not the same as belonging.
  • Being there made me sad. A different kind of sad being Korean than I had experienced growing up. Until then I had only experienced racial negativity being Asian in a white world but this sadness was a sense of loss. Now knowing what it felt like being in Korea I knew once and for all that I would never truly fit in there either. You can look the part in passing but with any interaction with shopkeepers, waiters, etc. they knew I was American in an instant. I guess through all of the adversity growing up in America maybe I had in the back of my mind that I could always go back to Korea and feel normal. This trip was confirmation that was not the case.
  • The biggest realization I had was probably that nobody can or will understand these feelings of loss being immersed in a country and culture where you look the part but which you share no part. I believe only transracial adoptees have a chance of understanding the complexity of emotions I was feeling. Not my husband, my adoptive parents, my birth parents or birth sisters.

Seeing my birth country further solidified who I was then and more importantly who I am today…a Korean adoptee. My children are descendants of a Korean adoptee. A different topic for a different day…

Being a transracial adoptee is messy and complicated. I returned to S. Korea to simply check it off my life list but the realizations and clarity of identity I gained was far more than I could have expected. The time spent in Korea was happy and sad, fulfilling and draining, full of clarity and added confusion. I realized that who I am today actually had very little to do with who I was when I left South Korea at 9 months old. I control my destiny regardless of my past and I shall live without fear or regret.

Thanks for reading!

-Christina

Korean Adoptee returns to motherland 29 years later

White Ikea Ektorp furniture -4 years later

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Today, I’m talking about my white Ikea Ektorp furniture and how I keep it white and clean 4 years later. With a big old farmhouse in all its historic charm I want furniture that is light and airy to brighten the living spaces. For me that means white living room furniture. With two young kids running around as well as an elderly lap dog, that might seem like a headache to try and keep dirt and dinginess at bay. I am living proof that it can be done!

Farmhouse style decorating tips with white furniture

The farmhouse craze is still going strong and though the trend is not the reason we purchased our historic home it helps that there is so much decor inspiration out there. In my experience styling and decorating our 1800s farmhouse I have learned a few things.

  1. You can’t go wrong with white.
  2. Take the time to find the right white (not too off-white and not too stark white) depending on if you’re talking about wall color or objects like furniture.
  3. Different wood tones can really complement a space especially if it is predominantly white or neutral color schemes.
  4. Keep rooms neutral and light for easier decorating and accessorizing.

Now back to the furniture. I’m going to tell you why I bought my white Ektorp sofa and two white Ektorp armchairs and how I have kept them in pristine condition the last four years. Most decorating enthusiasts are familiar with the Ektorp sofas from Ikea. Well, I am here to sing their praises. I love Ikea for many things from their organizing bins to kitchen gadgets and even garden planters.

I know Ikea is not everyone’s cup of tea but I’m going to tell you why I am a true believer for certain things during certain seasons of life. My style is modern farmhouse with a good mix of decor brands. I love Pottery Barn and Restoration Hardware and have many pieces from them but during this season of life with young kids, pets and busy lives I love the affordability and easy maintenance of the Ikea Ektorp line. These chairs and sofa were purchased four years ago when we moved into our 1800s historic farmhouse. I was reluctant with the white and despite everyone telling me I was crazy decided to go for it.

Reasons I chose Ikea Ektorp Furniture

First things first, the look. I knew I wanted white, comfy furniture and sitting options in the main living room. This room gets great light, has fun built-ins to decorate and is painted a creamy color to tie it all together–it is one of my favorite rooms in the house!

Secondly, I want furniture that is easy to clean. With a toddler, a newborn and a dog running around at the time they need to be cleanable. Thank goodness these Ikea Ektorp pieces are all slip-covered! These covers are easily removed, machine washable, bleach-able and replaceable.

Lastly, I love the flexibility of these pieces. If I should change my mind about the color of the furniture, color scheme in the room, configuration of the room or number of pieces I want in the room– no problem! Because they are slip-covered I can purchase different color covers or replace an existing slip cover should something catastrophic happen.

Care

  1. Remove all cushion covers and slip covers
  2. Machine wash warm. If your covers are white add bleach as instructed by your washing machine. (you may need to do multiple loads to give ample space in the machine).
  3. Tumble dry low until slightly damp
  4. Reassemble onto furniture and cushions
  5. Bonus: Use scotch guard on heavily trafficked areas for extra stain protection.
Keeping white furniture clean and white.
Ikea Ektorp white sofa
White Ikea Ektorp furniture 4 years later

Tips

  1. I went for 1 sofa and 2 arm chairs instead of 2 sofas so I would have more configuration options.
  2. With young children I allow snacks in that room but limit the type of snack. I try not to give things that could melt and smear on their hands like chocolate or peanut butter. Think things like gold fish crackers, apple slices or veggie straws.
  3. Invest in a back up slipcover to have on hand. This way if Ikea should ever discontinue your color or adjust their design you have practically a brand new piece of furniture with the new cover(s).
  4. I recommend washing (and bleaching if your covers are white) seasonally. This routine has kept mine looking perfect four years later.
  5. Use scotch guard for added stain protection.
  6. Common sense tip: with small kids make it a habit to wash hands immediately after meals, messy snacks and coming in from outdoor play. It will minimize the chances that kids will touch the furniture with dirty hands. Same with pets make it a habit to wipe pets paws with a damp cloth when coming in from outside.

I highly recommend these furniture pieces. I DO NOT regret the white. If anything I love it more the longer I have it. So flexible and versatile. Easy for seasonal decorating as well. If you want white furniture then get white furniture! Don’t let fear stand in your way!

-Christina

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